


Baby Troubles

by bluewishdust



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: (also Jack/Miranda if you look hard enough)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 21:57:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3666693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluewishdust/pseuds/bluewishdust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The baby made happy noises and wiggled in Shepard’s arms. He didn’t quite know how to hold it and helplessly handed it to Liara who welcomed it with a motherly smile.<br/>“Hello”, she said to the baby, “Who is going to care for you now?”<br/>“Well...”, Shepard said, “That. Is exactly the problem."<br/>..................<br/>Shepard saves a baby. Killing Reapers is hard. Finding a babysitter is somehow harder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Troubles

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what this is suppopsed to be but it had to be written down. The constellation of the companions on the Normandy doesn't make any sense but whatever... I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing. (Also I hope I didn't make too much mistakes... I am pretty new to this fandom)

„How did the mission go?“, Liara asked Shepard as soon as he was back on the Normandy, “Could you save the civilians?”

Shepard shook his head. “They were already dead when we arrived”, he said in a grim tone, “But… There was one survivor we could save.” He looked down at the bundle which looked tiny in his hands. 

“A baby?”, Liara asked surprised, “But how did it…”

“I don’t know!”, Shepard said, “But I couldn’t just leave it alone… Could I?” 

Liara came closer to look at the child. “It looks human…”, she determined.

The baby made happy noises and wiggled in Shepard’s arms. He didn’t quite know how to hold it and helplessly handed it to Liara who welcomed it with a motherly smile.

“Hello”, she said to the baby, “Who is going to care for you now?”

“Well..”, Shepard said, “That. Is exactly the problem. Everyone here has their responsibilities but I wouldn’t remember bringing a babysitter on board.”

“I could take care of it!”, Liara suggested.

“Yeah but I need you with me on our next mission…”, Shepard told her.

“If you find nobody else, I can look after it!”, Kaidan, who had been the one to find the baby, joined the conversation. He gently took the baby’s hand who wrapped little fingers around his so much bigger ones.

“It’s the same problem with you, you have to come with me too”, Shepard said.

“Hm, looks like you have to find someone else then”, Liara said and handed the baby back to Shepard who still didn’t really know how to hold it.

“Guess I have to go around and ask everyone then”, he sighed.

………

Joker burst into laughter. 

“No”, he said about five minutes later when he was done laughing. “I have to take care of my own baby.” He patted the control panel. “Unless you want the Normandy to crash you should take the little one elsewhere.”

“Commander!”, EDI began, “Maybe I could…”

“No.”, Joker interrupted her, “I am sorry but we need to concentrate here, that’s no place for a baby. Everything for you Commander, but… No. Not the baby.”

………

Tali was excited about the baby. But she also sounded way too drunk. She had apparently been drinking again. And she didn’t seem to be capable of caring for the baby. Shepard looked down on the baby in his arms. No, this one had already endured too much. It didn’t deserve to accidentally be dropped by a drunk quarian.  
“You know, Tali…”, Shepard lied, “Actually I had a better idea about what to do with the baby…”

……..

“No offense, commander”, James said, “But I don’t think that I would be the right guy for this. It’s a cute fellow, but honestly… I would not know what to do with the kid, sorry.”

“Alright”, Shepard sighed, “I had to try it...”

“Why did I even bother to ask”, Shepard thought while walking away, “The baby is not even heavy enough to be useful for weight lifting…” 

…………….

“Oh of course!”, Garrus said, “I think I am quite good with children. I can look after it, at least for a while.”

Shepard made a sound of relieve. “You are the best, Garrus. I owe you for this”, he said and was about to hand the bundle to Garrus when the baby first saw the turian. A look of horror appeared on the little one’s face. And then it started screaming. 

“What is it’s problem?”, Shepard asked confusedly.

“The baby appears to be scared of me, I am afraid”, Garrus said while trying to hide his disappointment. 

“Argh no”, Shepard said, “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Have you asked everyone?”, Garrus tried to help, “What about... Legion?”

“The child’s parents were most likely killed by geth, I don’t know if that would be a good idea.”

“Oh… Right.”, Garrus continued, “And what about… Okay no. I wouldn’t really ask Grunt either. He kind of still is a baby himself. What about Mordin?”

“Let’s just say he was too… busy”, Shepard said while not trying to think about the things Mordin was doing in the lab at the moment.

“Hm looks like the person which lacks your crew is the perfect babysitter…”, Garrus tried to make a joke.

Perfect. That rang a bell in Shepard’s head.  
“I haven’t asked Miranda yet!”, he called out, “She is good at everything. Probably even at babysitting. Thanks Garrus!” 

He was gone again before the turian could say another word. 

“Never mind”, Garrus said to himself, “I have to get back to my calibrations anyway.” 

…………..

“A special task you can trust nobody else with?”, Miranda asked without looking up from her paper work, “Of course I will do it. What is it?”

“Great. I knew I could count on you”, Shepard simply said and had handed the baby to Miranda before she could state a single word of protest. Before Miranda had realised what the “special task” was about Shepard was already gone again.

“A baby?!”, she called out, “Wait… What? Where does it even come from? Shepard?!”

But the commander was already halfway off to another mission. 

Miranda looked at the baby. “Shepard can’t be serious”, Miranda growled.

The baby started crying.

“Oh no”, Miranda said, “No, no, no… Shhhh” 

She got up and tried to hold the baby in a different way which resulted in the baby slobbering on her uniform. Still it didn’t stop crying. 

Minutes later the highly irritating noise still hadn’t stopped and Miranda was out of ideas when suddenly the door to her office opened.

“What the actual fuck are you doing in here?!”, she heard an angry voice.

Oh no. It was Jack. That was probably the only thing which could make the whole situation worse. Jack showing up and witnessing Miranda failing… at something as simple as babysitting. Miranda blushed.

Jack continued her angry ranting: “Whatever it is, you can hear this noise all over the Normandy, could you please just…” 

Then she noticed the baby. And the angry look on her face disappeared.

“Where did you get a baby from?”, she asked but didn’t even listen to Miranda’s answer. Instead she took the baby out of her arms.

“Oh you poor thing”, she told the baby who immediately had stopped crying and curiously looked at Jack’s colourful tattoos, “But I understand you. I too would be screaming if the cheerleader was holding me like this.”

“Jack what…”, Miranda tried to say something. But the other woman continued to ignore her. 

“Are you a boy or a girl? Well it doesn’t matter”, Jack chattered with the baby, “But do you have a name?” 

The baby giggled.

“Does the little shit have a name?”, Jack turned to Miranda.

Miranda was close to a nervous break down.

“I have no idea, okay?”, she shouted, “Shepard just showed up and handed me the baby and I have not a single idea what to…”

Jack laughed deviously. “Oh look at that, little shit”, she told the baby, “The great Miranda is completely done and has no idea what to do with you. That alone makes me like you….”

“Jack, this is not funny!”, Miranda protested. 

“Don’t worry, cheerleader”, Jack giggled, “I got this!”

“Well I don’t think that you would be a good caretaker for the child!”, Miranda said angrily, “I mean look at you!”

“Look at me doing what?”, Jack said, “Making the little shit stop crying, which is something you could not even achieve the slightest bit?”

“Fine!”, Miranda said with a bright read face, “But you can’t just call the poor baby “little shit”. That is disrespecting.”

“Looks like we have to start looking for baby names then”, Jack said and winked at Miranda who blushed even more. 

Then Jack turned around and talked to the baby in a tone which was so lovely that Miranda couldn’t believe her ears. She couldn’t believe her eyes either. How could Jack’s hands look so gentle suddenly? Miranda swallowed.

“Oh and…”, Jack suddenly said, “We have to find something to eat for the little shi… for the baby. Also I have no idea where to get diapers from…”

Miranda somehow got the feeling that the most difficult part about the baby troubles was yet to come.


End file.
